Where are the keys?

I know it’s been awhile and I should probably be full of witty and funny things that have happened, but I’m not really.  The weather being nicer takes a lot of the nasty bad attitude out of a guy.  However, it’s so stinking hot that it might as well be January.

It’s the rise of the machines around here lately.  The fridge still decides to quit working when it wants.  It used to give us 3 months or so between episodes, now we maybe get 3 weeks. we always notice it at like 10pm, so we get to rush all the food in the fridge and freezer out to the garage, it’s a blast, I love it.  Luckily it only lasts about 24 hours and then it starts to work again.  The dishwasher sounds like a 747 when it’s running, the wii just quit working, the lawn mower doesn’t start, the hot tub just cost us $500 to fix, and I think the snowblower probably won’t start in a month when it snows.

I hate the hot tub the most out of those things. I don’t like to be hot as much as I don’t like to be cold.  So sitting in steaming hot water that smells like chemicals isn’t my favorite thing to do.   It will surely take about $400 out of our pocket every 12-18 months. If you are thinking of getting a hot tub, don’t do it they are a black hole.  Now the K won’t work on my keyboard, I have to smash it to get it to work.

We haven’t had a fire all year in our wonderfully expensive fire pit.  It was too cold, too wet, too full of mosquitos, too hot, too windy, we were gone, etc.  Now it will soon be winter, and I can hardly wait. I guess my attitude isn’t that much better

I get to be on a plane twice in the next 3 weeks.  Jen and I are going to Chicago with friends and we will be watching the Bears/Bengals game. I’m not all that excited about watching the Bears play football, but I am excited to get out of dodge with my wife for a few days. We really travel well together and we operate really well without kids. No problems in the children afterlife for us, we will do just fine.  Love my kids and look forward to the next 10 years, but that doesn’t at all mean I don’t look forward to 10 years from now either.

The next time on a plane is to Oregon to go fishing for Salmon in the Columbia River.  2 days on the coast fishing for crab and Salmon and then 2 days guided on the Columbia for Salmon and Walleyes. I am not sure I have ever been this excited for a trip. I think I might be scaring Redmond with how obsessed I have become about fishing. I watch Salmon videos on youtube all the time, and videos from crab pots underwater has become my new favorite.

I bought a new $200 driver and it really did me no good, other than to make me look a little cooler, but I’m so far gone on that it really isn’t noticeable.  It still goes straight right, but just like my other one it hits straight down the middle of the range.

I just got a statement from a bank account that I thought I had closed. It had $135 in it, you would have thought I had won the lottery.  Unlike my wife, I don’t misplace money.  I never find money in pants pockets or jacket pockets, she does all the time.  She also locks keys in cars or loses them, leaves credit cards at stores, etc.  I’m thinking if she got alzheimers it would be an improvement.  So I got to know the feeling that she has when she finds things that you should never have lost and it was awesome. It isn’t a lot of money, but it was such an awesome feeling. I think she might do it on purpose to get that awesome feeling  you get when someone calls from target and says “Jennifer, we have your iphone and credit card here.”  It’s an addiction and she can’t control it, I GET IT NOW. I hope there are more bank accounts out there, but I know I am not that lucky and $135 is definately the most that could possibly be in it.

The day baseball ended, football began and the day football ends is the same day that hockey tryouts begin. In September Justin has football or hockey every single day and both on Saturday. Allie has soccer 3 times a week and hockey 3 days as well. I think it’s going to be a long fall.  Can’t wait for hockey to start so our schedule clears up :).  Football for 10 year olds is brutal. Nobody gets anywhere. His first game ended 0-0 and both teams managed 1 first down.  It was 900 degrees and there are no shade trees by a football field. 10 year olds have no desire to block, they all just want the ball.

Justin is obsessed with deer hunting, I am not. I have no desire to shoot another deer as long as I live. Mostly because I don’t want to deal with the deer after I shoot it. I live in a suburban neighborhood and drive a car. What the hell am I supposed to do with a bloody dear carcass? He is threatening to quit hockey so he can deer hunt and duck hunt more.  I get the desire for duck hunting, but convincing a 10 year old that now is the time to chase balls/pucks/girls and not deer and ducks is harder than I thought.  He is a different creature than most kids his age though. He is not at all caught up in the things that some of his friends are and he just plain doesn’t think about it.  I used to be able to do both when I was young, but today’s obsession with youth sports makes it much more difficult than it was when I was young.

Construction is in full swing and we are officially blocked in down here in Elko. Nobody cares, but our lives are going to suck for the next 2 months. It’s the not knowing when you make that innocent turn onto 35 North.  It could take you 45 minutes to get to Lakeville or it could take you 4 minutes, you never know.  It’s so exciting each time I leave the house, wondering what the drive holds for me.  Will 35 be one lane, will 494 be down to one lane, who knows and so much anticipation, it’s just too much excitement for one person.

I despise most politicians, I think the world needs more Dexters, Chicago hotels are too expensive, golf costs too much, Organized religion has lost it’s way, God has not, Schools need more funding, Big oil does not, niether side cares to fix it, one is not better than the other don’t fall for that trap, The Vikings are going to be good, build the stadium already, Cheerios are boring, Groupon saves me money sometimes, I want to go to Vegas really bad, it’s not going to happen for awhile, my wife is awesome and so are my kids, fantasy football has begun, I like my team so it is doomed to fail, stay out of the left lane–it’s for passing, Allie needs to brush her hair more often, Justin needs to pick his nose less, I need to eat less and excercise once, I would say excercise more, but that would imply that I do at all, the squirrel is dead, we need rain, it won’t happen until it’s snow not rain, Justin is obsessed with wearing Jerseys, he wants a Russell Wilson jersey, but they are too expensive new and he outgrows them so fast, it is my job to judge whether the player who he wants won’t turn out to be a murderer or drug addict, Russell Wilson seems safe, Who really is safe anymore, I am trying to judge less harshly, I give up, I hope Taylor Swift grows up soon or goes away for awhile, she dances funny, the mallards will be here soon, I wish they wouldn’t come so soon, kids can be akward,

 

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The women in my life

We are all brought into this world by a wonderful woman and I of course was no different. My mother raised me and my siblings with love and understanding and to this day no one but her and my wife understand me better. She had many hardships growing up and throughout her life, but took those and grew into a wonderful and strong woman. I have learned many things in life from her and I am very grateful every day for her. I always know I have someone on my side as long as I have her.

then you meet someone whom you fall in love with, it’s obviously different than that which was the love you have with the first woman in your life, but just as powerful. I met an incredible woman and married her. She has taught me more than I could have ever imagined and made me so much better as a person. I know, I know still a long way to go. She can only do so much, with so little to work with. She changed my life for the better and I couldn’t be happier. She has introduced me to so many different things and our life together couldn’t be better. She is my rock and when I am feeling down about anything, I look at her and the life she has made with me and it always feels better.   She is an amazing woman and because of her I was given another beautiful woman.

Jen’s mom has done so many wonderful things for me through the years. She is the most compassionate and thoughtful person I know.  I have never seen a person like her.  She is an amazing human being that does so much to make everyone around her feel better. I always feel happy when I am around Paulette, and not just because she feeds me so well.  It is what she does. Her mission in life is to make everyone who she comes into contact with comfortable and taken care of.  She has taught me so much about family and selflessness and I am thankful for her beyond words.

8 Years ago today the woman who changed it all came into my life

So you have a mother and a wife, but nothing you have ever known can prepare you for the love you will feel for your daughter.  Allie came into our lives 8 years ago today and everyday since has taught me a love I never knew existed.  She is happiness, kindness, sweetness, compassion, love, and all things good in this world.  She is everything that all the women I have ever known are, and so much more. She is a light in everyone’s life that she touches. I feel an overpowering desire to be a better human being when I spend time with Allie. She is incredibly witty for such a little person and her awareness always surprises me. I cannot wait to watch her grow up, but I am so scared to think of her out in the world having people hurt my little angel’s feelings. I cannot imagine my life without her.  I love her grouchy little face in the morning and her unbelievable kindness that take over as soon as she has breakfast.

She is athletic, beautiful, talented, hard working, intelligent, a good friend, and the most amazing person I know.  She will make a difference in this world and someday she will do all the things for her husband that her mom has done for me. She makes people better.  I love you little girl and I vow to do everything in my power to keep you safe and raise you the best I can to make you an amazing woman like your Grandmas and your mom.  Happy Birthday little girl, I Love you

 

PS:  I wanted to give a shout out to a couple of other women who I see alot in my life and I am proud to know.  Gretchen Butts and Jackie Peterson, I watch you both go through life under some tough circumstances sometimes and you handle all life throws at you with incredible courage and dignity.  You both are an inspiration to me and many others with all you do for your little guys.  I am glad I know you both and you are amazing women!!

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10 year old baseball, summer finally, dog problems

It’s been awhile, I am not as creative as I thought I was or used to be, Jen hates it that people actually read this stuff, and sometimes even enjoy reading this stuff, that bothers her even more I think,  I see her roll her eyes everytime someone makes a comment about my little blog, I know that people are bored in general so reading my randomness sometimes is entertaining, it beats house work or work at all for that matter, I’m proud of Gretchen as she’s officially an RN now,  we all knew you would do just fine yesterday, people that sell digital cameras must hate cell phone companies, the trees have their leaves, I wish they would never let go of them, In classic generally unhappy fashion I am now too hot, I wish it was always 68 and sunny with no wind, I wonder where that place is or if it exists at all, I wonder if I just like to complain, I don’t think so, my complaints are valid in my own mind and that’s all that matters I guess

I golfed at 6am today after I dropped Allie and Jen off at the airport at 5am, I’m gonna be tired tonight, Justin is at Nana and Bumpas house, I have a house to myself, it’s nice to have a quiet house sometimes, but I miss them already, I don’t think I have ever golfed that early, I was the only one on the course, I golfed like crap mostly but it was nice to be alone on a golf course, crayola makes too many different crayon colors, how do pro golfers handle golfing when it’s noisy, I golfed with my kids last weekend and couldn’t concentrate at all, makes what they do all that much more amazing

Justin’s baseball team is on a 6 game losing streak, I think it’s the coaching, there is some turmoil in the coaching ranks, I never knew coaching a 10 year old team could involve so much stress, I wake up at 6am everyday thinking about it and can’t go back to sleep, it’s really a stupid thing to do,  He is hitting the crap out of the ball right now, 10 for his last 15 with 2 doubles and a triple, I tweeked one thing and his hitting took off, it was awesome to watch and know I was able to help my boy out,  my dad and I cut two trees down in my woods, we now have firewood to burn again, can’t wait to have a few beers and burn some wood up, summer shandy is good stuff, My dad is awesome and his help with my air conditioning in the car and cutting the trees made my week, I don’t do well without air conditioning, the US soccer team just won 3 world cup qualifying games in a row, I know I know you don’t care, I do, me and the rest of the world are right, soccer matters

The kid playing catcher on our team comes to me last night and says the ump mumbled under his breath that our coach was a stupid prick, I laughed before I could catch myself and tell him the ump shouldn’t have said that, he was being a prick though,  he doesn’t handle pressure well at all, I don’t miss the rain or snow for that matter, man that was funny

Jen is in Chicago with Allie, glad they are having fun and glad I don’t have to visit the American Girl doll store again, once was enough, based on all the doll lunches served this week at my house her doll may need some larger clothes, I’m out of shape, I mean I have a shape and all, it’s just not that great of a shape, Justin played hockey the last two weekends, It was fun to watch him score goals again, it’s fun to watch your kids play things, Allie’s soccer team went 2-0-2 last weekend in their tournament, she played awesome, I don’t even care that I am missing the Stanley cup playoffs when my kids are playing things, I very rarely get to see a full Vikings game anymore either, it’s not so bad though, but I would like to watch the Vikings once in awhile,

When I left for work today I passed a 13 year old girl driving a golf cart in the neighborhood, she was all over the road, when I got along side her, she was texting, I don’t see a bright future for that one or a long one for that matter, why are there certain people that always put their recycling tub out every week even though it only gets picked up every other week,  it doesn’t strike me as a very hard concept to figure out, get out of the left lane people, you don’t drive fast–I do so move, and get off your damn phone,  road resurfacing July 22nd from Elko to Eagan, oh goody, I find myself really liking the drum beat just before the chorus in Selena Gomez’s new song, it’s pathetic that I know she has a new song out, don’t tell anyone but I kind of like it, and I really like the cups song and Pink’s new one, and my inner teenage girl screams when JT’s new one comes on.  I find myself putting my hands on the ceiling of my car alot because of the threat that the “ceiling can’t hold us”,  I listen to way too much KS95 and watch too much disney with my kids, but I kind of like it, I guarantee my brother has no idea who Selena Gomez is

How stinking hard is it for you to put some weed and feed down in your yard people of windrose,  pride of ownership, get off your ass, open your eyes, mow once in awhile maybe, don’t park a car on blocks in your driveway, weed whip occasionally, the motorhome doesn’t belong on the street for months, paint your trim, don’t leave your toys in the yard for weeks on end, LEASH YOUR DOG,  take a look around brother, have some dignity

Note to dog owners, NOBODY LIKES YOUR DOG BUT YOU!!!!!!!,  the rest of us hate it, wish it would go away, better not crap in my yard, or bite my kid or my wife, bark all day, run towards my car when I’m driving by, generally causing havoc, Same goes for kids generally, we only like your kids because at the end of the day they leave our house, same reason we tolerate your dog, it’s going to leave and so are you, I realize people feel this way about my kids too, so do I sometimes, but they always end up at my house, I love dogs and have had several great dogs in my life, I get that you love your dog, but understand we don’t love it like you do, don’t bring it to the town festival or the baseball game, those things are for humans and children to attend, children are sometimes afraid of dogs and parks are for children, that’s why they put swingsets and slides in them, when your damn dog can swing and slide then it can come to the park, other people have allergies to dogs and should be able to enjoy the stinking town festival without having to deal with your slobbering drooling four legged friend, humans are more important than dogs, it’s that simple, your dog does not have a right to be at your son’s baseball game, it won’t sit at home and be upset that it missed little Johnnie’s home run in the 3rd inning, it’s a dog, it won’t know or understand what Johnnie did, nor will it care, the most enjoyable thing it does is sniff ass

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Smoke you like Salmon and evolution

If you haven’t watched the video on my facebook page of the seagull and the one of allie you should.  While fishing my brother wrapped his line around a bird and brought it all the way into the boat.  He let it bite his glove while minor surgery was performed to set it free.  The video of Allie is a re-creation of a comment she made earlier that was priceless.  Out of nowhere, she makes the claim that she is going to smoke me like salmon. She claims she just made it up, she can be so funny sometimes

The fishing trip was great, we caught a ton of walleyes when the weather allowed, Red Lake can be a real bitch when it’s windy, but lucky us we also got rained on constantly the first two days, Thursday was awesome and we caught a ton of fish, drank too much, and had a great last day

Memorial day weekend at the cabin in Bemidji, still kind of crappy weather, but it was good to be back in one of my happy places, all boats and docks are in and the ice is finally gone

We returned home to the Lakeville South/North rivalry game on Monday night, Justin threw two scoreless innings and we were up 10-0 by the 2nd inning, he has thrown 19 innings so far this year and yet to give up an earned run and has only allowed 4 unearned runs, on the downside he is only hitting .200 and is having a real struggle so far, I have now dedicated myself to fixing the hitting woes,  We were up 15-0 in the 3rd and is was over in the 4th, not much of a rivalry game, our best 10 year olds are far better than their best 10 year olds, I love hockey and we obviously have kids that play hockey, but when it’s baseball season I believe hockey should be the 2nd sport at that time,  unfortunately we have a couple of kids that don’t feel the same, I hope it doesn’t affect the rest of the kids but I think it’s too late

I urge anyone who drives from a cabin up north and takes highway 10 through Royalton to never stop and give their stations any business, they refuse to remove the stoplight and it causes everyone to be stuck in traffic in the middle of nowhere for endless amounts of time, if they want us to slow down so we frequent their business’, then I say nobody should stop until the light is gone, just my two cents, I even thought of buying a billboard to support my cause

So when Jen comes to bed last night, she wants to watch the Bachelor, I have sworn off this show because it is for the most part stupid, and it’s the bachelorette which means only one woman to look at, so even less reason to watch, so I watched while trying to fall asleep, This has to be the biggest collection of losers ever assembled for one of these shows, a guy dressed as a knight, a dude without his shirt on all night, an ugly magician, an internet hashtag geek, a wierd guy from Chicago that high fives everyone, a dorky doctor with a porn mustache, I thought they liked this girl, it was embarrasing and I felt bad for her, What an amazing collection of tools she got, she has a better chance of being stalked and killed than finding a husband

We have now moved from cold and snow to wet and windy,  we never see the sun anymore, Jen thinks I may need happy pills, I think she’s right, can’t get out of this funk and it is completely weather related, even if it gets nice now it won’t last very long and we will be right back in the same crap again, this state is aweful

I know you have all been waiting on my take on evolution so here it is, I have evolved past camping, they have lakeside cabins now, no air mattress that leaks, lack of running water, no going without electricity, leaky roof, etc.,  if a cabin doesn’t scream evolution I don’t know what does, all the  good of camping without the crap that goes with it, you know just like a boat with a motor is evolution from a canoe, why canoe for 3 hours to get across the lake to fish when you can start the engine and drive over there and fish for 3 extra hours, makes no sense to me

Jen just hiked the Grand Canyon, I have told her over and over that they have pull outs alongside the road that offer the same views and then I can get back in the car and cover alot more ground, thus evolution has allowed me to see much more of the canyon and I didn’t even have to look at my feet for 3 hours while walking from one viewpoint to the next risking injury or death, I then would sleep in a hotel that night and watch a little tv and take a hot shower and get up the next morning and have breakfast and go take a gander at some more of the canyon the next day, now that’s evolution at it’s finest

I wish evolution would include the elimination of winter, I see no reason for it at all, the places without winter only have the problem of overpopulation, I can deal with that small problem, enough on evolution and more on my war on the dandelion

I have declared yard dessert storm on the dandelion, I have finally begun to win the war, there are a few snipers on the rooftops that will cause minor problems but most of the dandelion warriors have been taken out, they will have a lot to remember next memorial day as they remember their weedy warrior comrades, the individual and personal way in which I took each one of them out only gave me great personal joy and I slept well at night, I will continue the hunt and take pleasure in eliminating all straglers with extreme prejudice.

does it ever stop raining in this place, I mean really we deserve better

 

 

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Finally Baseball, house falling apart

Baseball has finally started, game 1 of the regular season yesterday, 22-11 victory for Justin’s team, he played well and they were actually down 6-2 after 2 innings so the kids hung in there, our wonderful spring has created a packed season, we scrimmage tonight, game tomorrow, game friday, 2 saturday, and possibly 3 on Sunday, and one more on Monday, good thing our pitching staff is deep,  Allie’s soccer is also in full swing and she is in a tournament as well this weekend, she cried this morning when I informed her that Justin’s games were at the same time and I wouldn’t be able to watch her play, unfortunately coaching Justin’s baseball team is going to cause me to miss most of her games, it’s breaking my heart and hers apparantly

I guess 8 years is all you get repair free after building a house, our refrigerator and dishwasher are both crapping out on us, I think you should get longer and I am not a fixer upper guy, so now we are going to have to pay people to fix things and that sucks, I should have paid attention to my dad a little closer growing up I guess, I got the hunting and fishing thing down though, you know the  important stuff

Jen and I had a night out for dinner on Saturday,  great dinner and then we decided to have a drink at the reopened bar and restaurant in New Market, on our way there another bar had 2 firetrucks and an ambulance out front, so we of course had to pull in and check it out, as we turn around a helicopter is landing at the bar, some guy had a seizure and fell and hit his head, we were told this by his friends who were back at the bar drinking, they could have cared less that he was being loaded into the helicopter, I mean really your buddy is being loaded into the helicopter you have to at least watch don’t you, apparantly not in Elko, you go back in and have a drink, I mean really what can you do at that point, they weren’t doctors right?

We then moved on to a bar called the double wide, yes it’s actually a double wide trailer turned into a bar, not as bad as we were thinking, but you definately could have filled out your wal mart bingo card in there, look up wal mart bingo if you don’t know what I am talking about, you could have got your one armed guy drinking in a bar space filled

In light of the todays news of the 3 missing women found in Ohio, have you thought about who might be holding people in their basement in your neighborhood,  Jen and I both came to the same answer at the same time on that question, I bet everyone can think of someone that lives by them that might fit the bill, pretty scary really

allergies suck, but the trees are preparing for leaves, it’s worth the pain of the next few weeks, Go wild, the squirrel ain’t never coming back, I actually filled one of the bird feeders, the finches are no longer planning my demise, fancy new shoulder injection today, let’s hope it works, the hot tub is broke, I hate the hot tub, I like to be that hot about as much as I like to be cold, they are money pits, Our house is full of food and none of it sounds good, I’m hungry, golfing season is here!!, why does it take fleet farm an hour and 15 minutes to change oil everytime, it’s a conspiracy to make me walk around fleet farm and spend money, it’s nice to see my neighbors again, it was a long 6 months inside, I want to go to Vegas again soon, I don’t miss the hockey arena, baseball fields are more fun right now, there is an ABBA museum in Sweden now, did we really need a museum for just ABBA, I don’t have a backwards B on my keyboard,

I told Justin to put his breakfast plate in the garbage before he left this morning, they are still on the floor in front of the television, I struggle with if it is my fault or his, it’s his, I’m not picking them up as an experiment to see how long he will walk around them before he actually picks them up, Allie put hers in the garbage, I think sink holes are going to become a bigger problem in the future, date nights with my wife are awesome, I can’t wait until the kids are old enough to be left alone for the night so we can have more of them, my goal is to break 85 when golfing this summer, I’m pretty close, I think it can be done, maybe even 80, coaching baseball really makes me want to play again, I wish I was young and my body wasn’t falling apart, I hope it doesn’t snow anymore, it probably will somehow happen, I feel like a captive and cannot convince myself to believe it’s really over, please let the ice be off Red Lake in two weeks when our fishing trip happens, I refuse to ice fish in January much less late May

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Al Gore is an IDIOT

I have done my part, I spent lots of years not recycling, letting the water run while I brushed my teeth, god knows my family leaves lights on all the time, I spray aerosol cans outside the window, drive an SUV, drink water out of plastic bottles, buy everything from big business, fill the landfill as much as possible, smash flourescent lightbulbs, buy stuff made by 6 year olds in China, throw batteries in the trash, I am trying to leave as large a carbon footprint as possible

NONE OF IT MATTERS, winter will not end, global warming is a lie and Al Gore should be drug behind my truck while we all throw plastic water bottles filled with batteries from Wal Mart at him,  Jen keeps asking me what’s wrong and I keep saying “look outside”, If I didn’t know it was temporary I might need to go get some happy pills, 6-9 more inches tonight, those of you that read this and know me and what I think of Minnesota should know what I am talking about, I would move tomorrow and never come back, I miss the Hartford Whalers, I will not shovel again this spring, you know it is going to snow on October 4th, I can’t wait for Algore to be right, have you noticed they always put the warm temperatures at the end of the 7 day forecast but 7 days later it still sucks, I think they do it so that everyone doesn’t kill themselves, algore sucks

Allie just put cake frosting on her waffles for breakfast, she likes her sugar, I didn’t have the heart to tell her no, Justin’s baseball team is going to be pretty good, lots of kids who can throw hard, it’s fun to practice with a bunch of kids whose abilities are all close, who knew you could convince your kids to play games on the Ipad that are educational, they love them and they actually might get smarter, what a concept, Algore was such a visionary with his whole internet invention thingy

I think it’s awesome that the younger brother in the Boston bombings ran over and killed his older brother, I can think of a bunch of things I would like to do to that little dirtbag, but even I couldn’t dream up such a happy ending, I hope they are pulling him out of his sedation every hour or so and just saying, ” hey, you killed your brother” and then letting him go back to sleep to dream about it, makes a guy long for the good old G.W. days of waterboarding :)

There is still a christmas tree in my backyard, I did try to take it down but it was froze into the fire pit still, on April 20th, I hope it’s out by the 4th of July, algore sucks, I feel bad for the people of West, Texas, we drove through there on our trip, The Boston morons stole their spotlight and I think the normal amount of help will not come  because of it, I wish they would quit saying the name of the idiot in the hospital in Boston, he doesn’t matter, they refuse to say the name of school shooters but won’t stop saying this idiots name, WE DON’T CARE, algore sucks, and so do energy saving light bulbs, if you have to turn on 2 energy saving bulbs to get the light of one regular bulb is it really saving energy?, our refrigerator is evil, it keeps not working for a day and then it comes back on, we move everything and then moving it back, I think it is just trying to make us clean it, it will take more than that, I love the British people, a little boring but overall our country could not have a better ally

Why are the rivers not flooding, walleye fishing should be excellent for our red lake trip, that is the only positive I can take from the lack of spring, I still will not be able to get grass to grow in my backyard, I have planted grass seed for 7 years in a row, no grass has grown, the ground is always like a rock, I have no green thumb or ability to care about the grass, I start out with such a positive attitude and then a week later I just don’t care anymore, there needs to be grass seed that grows in like 2 days, I know it’s called sod and it grows immediately when you lay it down, My uncle Bill passed away last week, he was a really neat guy and he raised a great family, he will be missed and his humor made this world a better place, he was one of the funnier people I knew

Bananas are good, terrorists are bad, babies are cute, old people are not, algore sucks, sand castles are cool, snowmen suck, half full half empty, I miss Kirby Puckett, the Twins are above .500 and I am happy to be wrong, the Wild are failing, squirrel is nowhere to be found, birds are still pissed, I am in the window and the bird feeders are still empty, winter storm warnings are not allowed in April are they?, mom and dad are on their way back from Texas, why I don’t know, the crappies in my dad’s lake are happy to see him go, I’m sick of being in a bad mood about weather, I’m bored with it, my garage needs to be cleaned but I won’t do it until I can do it in shorts, I ran over Allie’s stroller with the car Saturday, it was a $100 american girl doll stroller, It made me even more mad about the weather because it was to blame for not letting me clean the garage, it all circles back to weather, that’s why old people talk about it all the time,  and it will go right from this to summer and be too hot to be outside, I blame my lazy ancestors for not continuing west and settling in this crappy place, Seriously the gold was all west and here stopped the Loer family, we could have been warm and rich looking at the mountains or ocean, but here we are looking at frozen water and trees without leaves, algore sucks

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White Trucks, white outs, and basics

I have strayed from what started me doing these stupid things, so back to basics we go

In order to get your redneck card in Texas you first must own  a white truck, everyone has a white truck, one bar we went by had 30 vehicles in it’s lot and I’m not lying 24 of them were white, Only people that don’t have to put up with white in their damn yard for 6 months would buy a white truck, or you have to be a confederate flag waving redneck I guess, the guy in the corner of the room with no friends in Texas–he’s the guy with the red truck, we did however see less gun racks than I expected

It’s cold, windy, snowy, rainy, sleety, f’ing miserably, you get the pictury, a foot of snow overnight tonight, I want baseball season to start for Justin but we may never get outside, I saw this kid sitting in his dad’s car today while his dad was in the gas station, He was digging further in his nose than I have ever seen someone go, and yes he then proceeded to pop it in his mouth, he did it 3 more times, it was disgusting but like a car accident I couldn’t turn away, he knew I was watching him and could have cared less, must have been hungry, he was a heavy little fella, about 170 and maybe 10 years old, boogers must be high in fat

speaking of fat, I found the 10 pounds I lost a couple weeks ago, apparantly they were in Texas waiting for me to eat them, Wasabi and soy sauce almonds are awesome, The tooth fairy at our house is hot, air pressure warning lights in new cars suck, ours has been on since we bought the car and the tires are fine, I kept filling it at first until I checked with a gauge and there was 60lbs in each tire, you are supposed to have 35 in case you didn’t know, it’s really annoying, I wonder if today is the last day this season the twins will be at .500, all the ducks and geese are back, the reproductive urge overpowers the desire to be warm and dry I guess, they aren’t that much different than men, boy are they going to rethink that tomorrow morning, I’m guessing they will think the suffering is worth it

Sun is better than clouds. Lionel Messi is amazing, constant wind zaps the life out of a person, I need to catch a walleye soon, I’m ready to go to Vegas again, I’ll pay for the room if you pay for the flight, people let their kids have to much pop(or soda for those outside Minnesota), then they wonder why their kid is fat and running around all night and won’t go to bed,  It’s duck duck gray duck, not duck duck goose, it’s a water fountain and not a bubbler, pop not soda, although I kind of like soda better, it sounds more cool, bubbler just sounds stupid, The Voice kicks idol and X factor’s ass, why do birds sing so gay, who wrote the book of love, I miss Johnny Cash, I got called sweetie several times in Texas, they obviously don’t really know me, I’ve lost all hope for the squirrel, I wonder if the trees will ever see their leaves again, Do you think the Iraqi monkey is back yet?, I think he is and he’s running North Korea now,

I bought Justin a first baseman’s glove and a regular glove yesterday, he still needs a catcher’s mitt, I wonder why they haven’t made a 2nd baseman’s glove and a shortstops mitt yet, they could then sell bigger bags so that you could carry your 9 gloves around, baseball companies would make millions, oh that’s right they already do, everybody needs to find a way to make themselves richer except me, they just invent ways to make me poorer,

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Minnesota drivers, weather, and Fast food

We have arrived back from our trip, I must first discuss the tremendous difference in driving, Minnesota drivers suck, not a single problem in 3,000 miles of driving in other states, we crossed the border of Iowa and Minnesota and for the next 80 miles it was a constant battle with people driving in the left lane who didn’t belong there, I speed by the way, not way too much but enough, please use the left lane to pass and do so with a little bit of urgency, It seems to be a Minnesota problem, also nobody else has joined the zipper merge rage that is Minnesota, they do it the old way and it is not a good idea, I can endorse the zipper merge, but if I would have done it down south I’m not sure we would have made it back alive, rant over

We had a great trip, but you people did nothing to improve the crappy weather, and now a winter storm is coming, this is cruel, I’m glad we got out of it for awhile, but believe me the weather was only slightly better, I informed Jen at every major city we passed through starting with Des Moines, that I would rather live here, It was 72 in Kansas City, there is no snow on the ground anywhere past Owatonna, we really do live in hell, anybody who lives north of Albert Lea has something wrong with them as the rest of the world does not live like this, I screamed at every motorhome heading north with old people in it to turn around, why would you come back here if you didn’t have to, 2nd rant over

We all know I love Vegas and one of the things I still haven’t done that I want to do is eat at the In and Out Burger, I remembered before we got to Dallas that they are also in Texas,  I still didn’t make it but I did try some others for the first time that we don’t have here, the long car rides mean fast food, we ate at whataburger it was terrible, chik’ fila( I don’t make political stands for or against fast food and I wanted a chicken sandwich) it was just ok, Jack in the Box was fairly decent, We tried like hell to get me to In and Out but even I wasn’t willing to make the 5 mile trek off the highway for a hamburger and it gives me another reason to go to Vegas, as if I needed one

Branson was fun and the time with the Hwongs was enjoyable, it is way too expensive there, I think since it’s for old people they overprice everything, $9 for one 3 minute go cart ride is way too much, I know old people aren’t riding go carts very often but you get my point,  It was very much like the dells but with more old people stuff mixed in, we did get met by a guy driving the wrong way on the interstate leaving Branson for Texas, he missed the guy in front of us by feet, it was 8am so I’m thinking he was more of an idiot than a drunk, there were 2 other people in the car with him, they had to be crapping their pants

We caught a bunch of crappies and Justin got to have valuable time with his grandpa, they are so much alike it’s scary, I love seeing them together and they definately have a bond unlike anyone I know, Allie enjoyed Texas and got a lot of mom and dad time at seaworld, which was well worth the trip, Everything in Texas is 2 hours from everything, Jen and I had a nice night away in Austin, that is a really cool city with an area that they compare to bourbon street, every bar has live music even on a Tuesday night and there is a 6 block long area that is all bars and restaurants, it was fun and a semi late night, our kids are great travelers, we did two 12+ hour drives and they did very little complaining and only drove us crazy like twice, tying their hands and feet together and stuffing a sock in their mouths works like a charm :)

No speeding tickets, no accidents, no car trouble, and everybody still likes everybody, a successful trip, The lake my mom and dad stay on is depressingly low of water, it is 25 feet below full and there are whole bays that have no water in them, there are nice big houses that used to be on a lake that are now facing weeds, docks leading to nothing all over the place, it is really sad to see, I found it very funny that a lot of people in Texas put gates up at the entry to their driveway, even the people that have a run down nasty trailer house gate their driveway, who are they trying to keep out-riff raff, I’m guessing they are the riff raff that the people with ranches put gates up to keep out, we drove through the hometowns of Carrie Underwood(sadly she wasn’t home), John Wayne(still dead), and Toby Keith(still drunk), and a few others I can’t remember, happy to be home to sleep in my own bed, we have the best bed in the world, now warm up already, adios Margaret Thatcher

 

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Branson and rednecks

It never really occurred to me that we were going to be in the south. I know that is kind of a stupid thing to say, but I am an idiot. Camo everywhere, teeth nowhere, grits, confederate flags, baptists everywhere, rednecks and all the rest was not on my mind when we left home. It is now, its kind of scary, only to get scarier, the kids were surprised, they are having a blast with their friends, branson is for old people, its beautiful, everything closes at 8pm, I was surprised it didn’t all reopen at 3am, especially the buffets

the resort is nice, the kids are all loving the pool area, the drive down sucked as we listened to the gopher hockey team lose, thank you Yale for also beating the Sioux, tough sway to have it end, they had a good chance to win it all this year.

Texas bound early tomorrow, looking forward to seeing mom and dad,  more. Grits and rednecks to come I think, the weather is beautiful in Missouri today, 72 and sunny, we got a kick ass thunderstorm last night, I miss thunderstorms, I have went down the slide at least 100 times, jen and amy are at an outlet mall shopping, indoors on a day like today I can’t believe it, the girls want me in the pool now, gotta go

Justin lost the picks, we have to be in the car for 13 hours tomorrow. Get to see Arkansas and Texas for the first time, hope the kids hang in there, I love being on vacation with my wife and kids, jens new iPhone has turned her into a teenage girl, nobody talks to me in the car, they are all staring at 4 inch screens ignoring everybody.

 

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Ding Dong Tubby gone, and so is Jen

I miss my wife, I will not miss Tubby, what the hell kind of name is Tubby, I know it is hard to win anything but hockey games in Minnesota, but winning 6 out of 18 to end the year isn’t ok, never finishing higher than 6th in the Big 10 is also not ok, He had to go,

My wife needs to come home, I have great kids who have done nothing wrong (today), but being a single parent can be tough, actually not having someone to talk to at the end of the day is the worst part, as you have seen I have a bit to say and she is an excellent listener, they made it out of the Grand Canyon safely and now are enjoying the weather and relaxing at the Spa, I got Allie to rub my back this morning, she tries hard but has the attention span of a gnat, I think the greatest part of my marriage is that we both are allowed to go on trips with friends without each other, We do plenty of trips together and those are what everyone will remember in the end, doing trips apart only speaks to how strong we are together and I am so happy I have found a partner who thinks the same as I do, she rocks

The Gopher hockey team will have to beat the dirty stinking Sioux to get to the frozen four again this year, we are better than they are but none of that matters in a 1 game series, I always think we are going to lose to them, I hate them, the feelings mutual I’m sure, right Sarah?, The NCAA hates the Gophers and Sioux, why do they always have to be in the same bracket, The Wild are awesome right now, I forgot to bet on them when I was in Vegas, that is probably a good thing for the Wild,  Justin still is in the running for the NCAA pool, he’s in 3rd place and still is mathmatically alive, I’m going to tell him he won $100 less than he really did :), parenting fee, just kidding

The Elko water has radium levels exceeding regulatory limits again, maybe that explains my breast enlargement the last 8 years, or maybe it’s the cheeseburgers, I think I’ll blame the water, but it only appears only to be happening to me, I’ve checked, from the letter we got it looks like the city is preparing to ask for money, not happy about that,

I stepped on something black last night and proceeded to track it from my bed to the bathroom and then all the way down the steps to the kitchen, I spent over an hour cleaning spots out of the carpet, that sucked, I still don’t know what it was, my kids have been really good while their mom has been away, We will be in the car on Friday when the Gopher hockey team opens the NCAA tournament, I wait all year for these games and that is going to stink, we will arrive in warmer weather thanks to that car ride so I shall not complain too much, It may reach 60 when we are gone, that’s about right

It was a really wierd weekend without hockey, I really didn’t miss going to the rink, the break was needed, we did have to go to the arena for soccer practice though, The UMD lacrosse team was practicing after Allie’s soccer team, It was a pleasure to see 25 college age kids act so well around others, when you work in the field we work in you tend to forget that large groups of teenage kids are not all up to something bad, I look forward to having that further reinforced as our kids get older, are pop tarts a complete breakfast?, my kids think so

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