Bacon wrapped cheese filled amazingness!!

So while we were in Mexico, the resort we stayed at had a bacon wrapped, cheese filled, all-beef hotdog on the menu. As many of you saw, I had reached under 200 pounds for the first time in about 20 years before we left. I however was not going to miss out on one of the most amazingly beautiful hot dogs ever made. I watched several consumed all week and with great restraint I waited until lunch of my last day to order it. IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING HOT DOG EVER!! It lived up to 6 days of anticipation and nothing ever lives up to that much anticipation. Bacon, Beef, and cheese how could it not, right? I waited until right before we left for just this reason. If the damn thing tasted that awesome and I had it the first day then I would be under constant pressure to eat it every single day the rest of the trip. I actually used the restraint I had called on the past 6 months. I wish I hadn’t, I wish I would have eaten it every day. did I mention, it came with fries.

I gained 15.5 pounds on the trip. Another reason why I should have eaten several hot dogs a day. I mean really 15.5 pounds in 8 days. I went backwards a month. I have already gotten rid of 11 of them, but still. I did drink Corona light, fruity drinks, and I ate burgers, fries, and tacos. I mixed in some fish and eggs, but I enjoyed myself. It was food I hadn’t had on consecutive days for a long time and it truly was a vacation. I did drink light beer and I did almost 20,000 steps each day, I even went to the gym several times and still 15.5 pounds. It’s not right.

So we had the best travel experience ever on the way down. It started early as we had to be at the airport at 3am for a 5am flight. It’s a blast getting your kids out of bed at 2:30am. Too make our planning worse, we had a 4.5 hour layover in Charlotte. Not the best idea, but every other flight was double the cost. A little background. I can obsess about travel and the place I’m headed to. I read people’s trip reports and research a lot of different things about the destination. Vegas planning brought that out in me I guess. So I knew when we landed in Charlotte there were 2 planes going to Cancun ahead of us. One was leaving in 20 minutes after we landed. We ran through the airport and 2 amazing American Airlines employees actually didn’t say no. They got us immediately on the next plane. We landed in Cancun 5 hours early, without luggage, but 5 hours early. The airline actually delivered our luggage to the hotel that night, even though they said they couldn’t. It was amazing and unbelievable to actually have an airline do something to help a traveler have an unexpected positive experience. That brings me to my next “experience”

I have never flown first class in my life. I’m not that cool or rich. Our travel partners the Petersons were on the same plane as us coming home. Through all of Keith’s work travels he gets upgrades quite often. On the plane from Charlotte to Minneapolis he had one first class ticket which he had his son sit in. After barely making it through security in time for the flight, I get a text that Michael wanted to sit with Justin so I could have his first class seat. I had no idea at this point I was being punked, but being punked I was. I made my way to the forbidden front of the plane. The area with seats that actually are big enough for humans to sit comfortably, free food, FREE BOOZE, sophisticated conversation, beautiful people. This is where deals are made, destiny changing encounters happen. I took my seat next to a seemingly nice middle aged woman. She seemed pleasant as she sipped on a gin and tonic and she made conversation immediately. I thought this is it, she runs a multi-million dollar corporation and she’s gonna think I’m awesome and offer me a job as her Vice President of nothing. It started simple–where you from, what do you do, wife and kids?, it was all very nice. The plane climbed into the sky. I received my first drink–a cranberry vodka, she received her 3rd gin and tonic (on this flight). It was everything I had hoped for, minus the job offer so far.

She owned her own company that she started after deciding being a pilot caused her to be away from her cat too much. This was my first indication something was wrong. Her company made wraps for hanging plants. You know something to cover the green pots that come with the hanging plants, because they are ugly. I thought–you know what those things are ugly, good idea lady. I also thought–not sure if this will be a high paying position she offers me, but I need a job so I’ll take what I can get. She handed me her business card along with some business card sized drawings of her artwork from her side business as a freelance artist. This was my second warning as Allie generally does a better job of coloring than this lady did of painting. Then the food came. It was Chicken and a delightful rice dish. It was followed by a warm cookie and another Vodka Cranberry. Her meal came with her 5th gin and tonic (on this flight). She also had the chicken and offered to give me the rest of her meal. I politely declined as I needed to somewhat focus on losing all the weight I had gained. It was now time for an after dinner beer. So I ordered a Sam Adams and she enjoyed her 6th gin and tonic (on this flight). I was now trying to look out the window a little more as I had gotten to experience most of what first class had to offer or so I thought. Every time I looked out the window and got a couple of seconds of quiet, I would feel a hand on my shoulder. I would hear some slurring and some comment about me wanting to be left alone. I would politely assure her that she wasn’t bothering me (Still slightly holding out for the VP job offer) and an awkward conversation would ensue for a few minutes until the waitress in the sky would interrupt/save me and I could turn and gaze out the window.

At this point, I was starting to wish I could open the window and crawl out. I was trapped, there was nowhere I could go. I ordered a tomato juice no vodka, she ordered her 7th gin and tonic (this flight) she had been on another flight from Miami to Charlotte that morning. I think that plane is light on it’s gin and tonic too. We received a little after dinner mint just before the blessed descent into MSP International airport. I quickly swallowed mine almost whole. It was one of those half solid half crunchy mints that kind of melts in your mouth and tastes a little like chalk. I was just glad she had something in her mouth and couldn’t talk anymore. We get about half way through landing and there is a hand on my thigh. I politely moved it back to her seat, and as I looked over she is offering me something. It’s loud and hard to hear, but I wasn’t hearing her wrong. She was offering me her half eaten mint. I said no thank you, I’m good and turned back toward the window after I had agreed to help her get her bag upon landing (still hoping for a job). Upon landing she pointed to which bag was hers and I reached up and got it down. The lady behind us, in VERY disgusted fashion, says “sir, that’s my bag” I say sorry(pleading to her with my eyes to give me a job) and grab the right bag. Away she goes to the door of the plane. The guy behind me then asks me if she was with me, I say no. He says, “she offered me her half eaten mint” I nervously laughed and said she did the same to me. Every single person within earshot of me then turned one by one and apologized to me for my flight experience. Not one of them felt sorry enough to let me be their Vice President of nothing though.

and that was how I was punked by a 13 year old. well played Michael.

How is it possible that the US women’s soccer team is paid 4 times less than the men’s team, while making more in revenue and actually winning the world cup. I can’t believe this kind of shit still goes on in this country. Men are assholes. It’s criminal and if Donald Trump is viable I don’t see that getting any better. This kind of crap should make people angry and want to protest and burn soccer balls, not protesting criminals who are beating women to near death, being shot by cops. Outside of Hope Solo, none of these women did anything wrong.

I think it’s awesome to watch people circle the Lifetime parking lot looking for a closer parking space. Really? You are going into exercise, I think you can walk a little to get into the club. I really want to be at a dance club in Vegas where Flo Rida and Pit Bull are doing a concert, that would be epic. There was a crazy woman on the bus in Vegas with a poster from the Trump rally that was going on while I was there. She was exactly what I envision a female Trump supporter to be like. She had a cat in her lap on the bus, uncombed hair, mismatching clothes. She almost looked like a gypsy from a movie scene. It was a perfect fit.

Baseball and Soccer season have begun. I get to co-coach Justin’s team and I’m really looking forward to it. Summer is coming. We got to miss a snowstorm!!! It had all melted by the time we got home. I will be back under 200 soon. It’s almost playoff hockey time!! Someone please beat the Blackhawks for us. Brett Franz for President!!

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