Those of us who live in Lakeville know exactly who I am talking about in the title of this post, and you probably think you are unique. I have learned that the character we all know is the same as the one I used to know and a variation of another character known to those who live in Elko. None of them is truly unique or different really. They are quirky and a little strange, but not unique. You know like Goth people or punk people or anyone else that tries to be different, yet ends up looking exactly like everyone else who is trying to be different. It has always amused me–hey you, let’s all go be different in exactly the same way.
The unique characters I am talking about reside in Lakeville, Elko, and Red Wing. Essentially the 3 places I have lived in my life. The original unique character was known to us as “The Marathon Man” or Marathon John if I recall correctly. Most people knew who he was when I was a kid. He was the guy that walked around town in the same clothes everyday and picked up garbage. He literally walked all day long, thus the name marathon man. I don’t recall waving being his thing but maybe, which brings me to the next character who resides in Elko. My kids call him the “Shirtless Waving Man” He seems like an alright guy by all accounts as he waves at EVERY single car driving in and out of the neighborhood. He is sometimes on a bike with a bright shirt on(He was hit by a car at one point, so now the bright shirt). He is quite often seen without a shirt on, which seems to be a theme for these characters. We all know who he is and it somehow makes it feel like home when you turn the corner and someone is waving at you.
The third and my favorite is “The shirtless Stick guy” as my kids refer to him. He is always on the same path alongside the same road in Lakeville. He is always carrying a stick, most of the time he doesn’t have a shirt on, and now looks incredibly similar to Tom Hanks in Castaway. He is a touch more quirky than the other two, but not really much different. His movements are a bit more erratic and a little more crazed, but he’s waving and seems to be genuine in his waving. When he dies I think the city should name the path after him. I believe Ronald Reagan and budget cuts are to blame for all of them.
I observed one of these characters outside of his native habitat not that long ago. He was in a bar we were in. My wife and the other 2 ladies I was with were out on the dance floor dancing it up. I was watching and making sure to keep my beer company and made this observation about his pick up move. The girls were the only ones on the dance floor and his move was this–walk out on the dance floor about every 4 minutes, stare in a very creepy fashion and at a very close range for about 1 minute, and then walk back to the bar. I began to wonder if this works for him from time to time and I came to the conclusion that is must work sometimes. The girls were blissfully unaware btw. I also thought if I tried it, it would most likely end in my arrest, but he kept at it for about an hour. I was impressed with his persistence, however not very impressed with his originality. I mean ladies like words and stuff, even when they have been drinking. Staring is not polite either, especially without sunglasses or a shrub/tree in front of you
Jen says I have what’s known as a go to shirt. She also says it like it’s a bad thing. Doesn’t every guy have a go to shirt? I don’t need to label it with a derogatory name like “go to” To me it is simply my favorite shirt right. I usually change up my favorite shirt about once a year and I have one that is a T-shirt and one that is a sweatshirt. Right now it is my Bemidji Brewing shirt and the hard part about this one is that I have two that look almost identical, but they are not. So it looks like I wear it about every 3 days, but it’s not the same shirt so get off my back already. She also lovingly calls it my uniform, ha ha funny shit.
The Bachelorette sank to new lows this year by introducing two new actors/cast members that were gay guys pretending to be interested in the poor girl who was only looking for true love or to get laid. Turns out it was to get laid. I mean really, the guys were more interested in each other than the bachelorette, I knew gay guys were smarter than straight ones and this proved it. This girl was really no catch from the little I watched. To say she was the worst contestant yet is an understatement and there have been a ton of bad actors/contestants on that show. I am sure some boys mom will be so proud when her son brings home that tramp.
I make notes in my phone when I see funny things happen so that I can write about them here. I end up looking at the notes about a month later and cannot remember anything about the note I wrote down or why it was funny. It’s really frustrating because it’s usually a pretty good event if I take the time to write it down, but for the life of me I cannot remember what the hell was so funny. What does “for the life of me” mean? One that’s in there right now is Dental Hygenist. I don’t know why it’s there, but I think it might be something about the bachelor show but I don’t know what I thought was funny. Was there a Dental Hygenist on the Bachelorette? I think I remember him being a stalker type or something but I don’t know. there is another one about a tab on a credit card form that I bet was hilarious, but I don’t have a clue.
When I was in Elementary School I remember that the teachers and 6th graders played a year end softball game every year. I spent the first 5 years of my schooling only thinking about playing in that game. I don’t mean to brag, but I was one of the best players in my Elementary school at softball and I was a shoe in to play. It was an all-star team picked by the students in 6th grade by a vote. 2 days before the vote, I decided it was a good idea to break up with my girlfriend (the most popular girl in the class apparently). 2 blogs ago I talked about me telling Justin about the cruel nature of 12 year old girls, well this was my first hand knowledge. I received a few votes from my friends and NOT ONE from any of the girls in the entire 6th grade. Half the boys didn’t vote for me. I didn’t get to play. Clearly they were jealous of my mad skills, when they should have been grateful for me releasing one of the hotties back into the pool. Boys never really do think clearly at 11 or 21 or 31…… I was crushed and still to this day think back on it as one of the most disappointing days of my childhood. I know suck it up, nobody left me home alone for 2 days or fed me out of a dumpster or housed me in a box. I get it was a minor setback, but still a setback.
A quick shout out to my good friend Keith—I am so very happy that you only had a minor scare and are fixed up. We still have a lot to do together. I know you won’t read this, but your wife will and she will tell you about it. I need a beer drinking partner, hockey strategist:), and arena companion for much longer and I am so happy we still get to do that together. Also to you Mitchell–yes I was writing this when you signed out–well some of it–I do get busy sometimes.
Quick child sporting update–Allie’s soccer team completed an undefeated regular season and will forever be known as the invincibles. They dropped their only game of the year the last tournament of the year up in Blaine in a close battle. Very impressive season for the girls. Justin’s baseball season had it’s ups and downs, but ended on one big up with one more huge up to come. The regular season followed the script of the past 2 seasons. A bunch of talented kids not living up to their ability and losing more than winning. We finished with an incredible run through the state tournament going 5-1-1 and taking 3rd place in a 40 team state tournament. This group so deserved that kind of weekend as they are talented enough to win titles, so let’s hope this propels them forward with the confidence to do so. Justin pitched and hit well all weekend and his dad could not have been more proud of his play and effort along with all of his teammates. Watching these boys come together as a team throughout the weekend was more enjoyable than finishing 3rd. That weekend will send these kids to Cooperstown in a week with a bond that can only be created through tournament success. We leave for Cooperstown in 1 week and I would like to thank all of you reading this that had some part in making that happen through your donations. Justin at your door selling pizzas or babes or BW3, or Justin selling pizza again, it was greatly appreciated. We will be posting an occasional picture I’m sure.
If I see Bill Cosby I’ll beat his medal out of him for everyone. Allie saw the story of the guy in Mexico who escaped from Prison for a 2nd time. The first he was out for 12 years. Her response—“Why didn’t they kill him when they caught him the first time?” That is the 2nd time in a month she has wished an escape convict dead. My sweet little Allie so ruthless. She then baked a cake and left a note telling me she loved me and that she saved me a piece so when I got home from work it was waiting for me. She really is sweet, but don’t escape from prison I guess. Donald Trump is hilarious and I hope he wins because they are all idiots and at least he’s an entertaining idiot. The confederate flag is not a symbol of the past. Well yes it is I guess, but it’s a symbol of a past where people fought to enslave other people and treat them like property. It is a symbol of hate and racism not of a glorious southern past. There really is no argument here to be had. Yes removing Dukes of Hazard from T.V. is stupid, but focusing on that is just as stupid. There are no longer people laying in the middle of the road, so that’s nice.