Flooded basements and how Minnesota got settled

There are some people out there( lots and lots) who are dealing with flooded basements and that sucks.  I mention people I like, because if I don’t like you why would I care that your basement flooded. I, in fact, may take some satisfaction in your basement flooding. That is the kind of thinking my wife has been trying to work on with me for almost 20 years. You would think she would give up soon, but she keeps trying, bless her heart.

It’s like living in Seattle without the good football team, mountains, ocean, fish markets, landslides, etc.  I have learned that I would rather live there I think.  The rain sucks but when it stops for 10 minutes, you can go outside and enjoy mowing the grass.  However in winter, never once do I shovel and then sit in the driveway and admire what I did while having a beer. I tried it once–your hand just freezes to the aluminum and the seat rips on your chair because it’s frozen from being in the garage all winter. Nope, You take your frozen miserable ass inside as soon as possible to deal with the 3 sick humans that all have colds because they have been locked in small places with evey other sniffling little punk kid from the neighborhood.

  The coldest winter ever recorded followed closely by the shortest damn spring I’ve ever recorded, followed by the most rain in single month in recorded history in the craphole known as Minnesota.  If my wife isn’t watchful I may go out for the longest drive in recorded history. It’s possible I will end up in Brazil in time for the world cup final and some good old fashioned rioting. People tend to frown on neighbors sitting in folding chairs in their driveways in January anyhow.

btw, I don’t know anyone I don’t like who’s basement is flooding.  I would prefer to not live in Seattle just so you know.  Maybe Portland so I could drink beer and watch soccer with someone special:), the upside is I actually got grass to grow in places that haven’t seen grass in 8 years, it will die in August when it’s 110 for 18 straight days. during which you will go outside as much as you did from November to April when it was -22 everyday, I’m cranky again. we can’t win

Last baseball tournament of the year and last chance to qualify for the state tournament. We’ve hit a rough patch lately, but this field sets up nice for the boys. I think they are going to have a good weekend.  It’s only been two weeks and my kids are awesome, but I need a break already.  I’m trying to watch soccer and they want rides to friends houses, golf lessons, lunch, etc.  all completely unreasonable requests of their dad, but they keep asking anyway.  watch the tournament get rained out which will mean most of Justin’s 10 and 11 year old baseball seasons will be rained out. I mean really, point out some advantages to living here.

Wouldn’t you just love to get your hands on the first settlers, grab them by the scruff of the neck and scream into their beady little English eyes—LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK YOU STUPID BRITTISH IDIOT–THIS PLACE IS FROZEN FOR 8 MONTHS–RUN YOU FOOL.  The stupid ones would have ended up in Bismark and the smart ones would have ended up in LA and it is my contention that the lazy ones ended up here in Minnesota.  They got here in May and it was beautiful, they built a house, made peace with the natives, fished and hunted, wakeboarded,  planted corn, mama got knocked up, all was good–THEN– November came, It blew, snowed sideways, everything froze, buggies crashed into each other, lots of horses died in head on crashes, arrows froze to bows, the well froze over and THEN– spring came, flowers blossomed, baby was born and Sven decided it must have been a fluke. He planted more corn, added an addition on to the log cabin, got elected mayor, caught a 30 inch walleye, knocked up mama again, and THEN the same shit happened again.    5 kids and  20 years later and now mama won’t let him leave because now they have all this family in this horrible place and it’s would be like a 6 day buggy ride if we move to Des Moines,– when will we ever see the grandkids, what if little bobby needs us to watch his kids,–Stop whining and whittle me a fishing pole already–I know I ain’t leaving anytime soon

 repeat the same foolish cycle like 80,000 times and the state becomes populated with a bunch of people who apparantly like each other enough to be tortured for 8 months a year. That is the story of how Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Wisconsin(no that’s a different story), Iowa, and several other states all got settled. Sorry about your basement Alicia and Joe hope it turns out to not be that bad, you could always blast the air and make it a rink:)

A week in Bemidji soon, eat too much, drink too much, watch people excercise too much, pretend golf is excercise too much, take pontoon rides, watch my children get pulled around behind boats, see awesome people for 7 straight days, get rained on, bit by mosquitos the size of crows, lake itch, rain, rain, just kidding that never happens and I cannot say anything bad about my favorite place next to home with my family and Vegas and having a beer with the Petersons(HINT HINT)  also Vegas(HINT HINT) 

There is moss growing in my yard, the kind that looks like the stuff in rain forests. There are bugs crawling around I’ve never seen before, water is everywhere. If I was a right wing nutty guy,  I would think this might be some sort of apocolyptic sign, but instead it must be natures way of evening something out I would guess.  White Bear Lake needed the water I heard and somebody upstairs with some pull got his favor answered by the leader of the up their place, that’s my scientific explanation, from a guy who really doesn’t believe in that whole global warming thingy.  remember where I live–I’m up for it and I sure wish those funny world is ending oceans rising people were right at least a little bit.

It is a lot prettier looking out my window at all the green, instead of piles of snow though. I just wish I wasn’t always forced to look out my window–Have I bitched enough to do our misery justice.  If not, I’m sure I will soon–In case you were wondering I’m not depressed and you don’t need to worry about me(not that you would)  I love my life and the people that are in it, I would love them more in Hawaii though!!!!

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